MEGA LAN 2: The Cat Came Back
by moonymonster
Summary: Everyone thought Dex would give up once Hub and Roll started dating. Unfortunately, everyone thought wrong. Now Dex has a plan to win his precious Hub back, but he never thought of the consquences...More spoofy fun!


_(Quick note: Hub is the dub name for Saito, who is Netto's twin brother, and if you don't know the rest go to http:mmhp.net and look up the second __Battle__ Network game._

_Annnyway…on with the show!)_

**MEGA LAN 2: The Cat Came Back**

_"Oh, the cat came back_

_the very next day oh_

_the cat came back_

_(you know they thought he was a goner) _

_but the cat came back_

_he just wouldn't stay _

_away_

_no, nooo no_

_no no, nooo no…"_

_             --song_

Mega Lan.EXE sighed as he looked at his sleeping Operator. In two minutes and twenty seconds he'd have to start screaming at the boy to wake up. He began to do voice warm-ups to prepare himself.

"Me me me me meee…"

"What are you doing, Mega Lan?"

Mega Lan jumped and whirled around, only to see Mayl.EXE smiling back at him.

"Don't scare me like that!" he cried.

"I didn't mean to, Mega Lan…" said Mayl, looking anything but apologetic. "Anyway…what _were_ you doing?"

"Warming up." Mega Lan rolled his eyes. "I have to yell mega-loud to make Hub wake up."  
            Mayl laughed. "Roll gets up the second I call to her. I guess Hub doesn't…"

"You got that right. Oh, look—" Mega Lan pointed at a clock that magically appeared in the last twenty seconds. If the reader had read 56k Connection they would have said it looked a lot like Timeman, but since the reader probably hasn't it just looked like a clock.

Mega Lan blinked. "Did you just hear someone narrating a shameless plug?"

Mayl looked at him oddly. "Um…no…"

"Oh, okay." He looked at the clock and sighed. "It's time to wake Hub up."

"I'll help!" Mayl cheered, and cupped her hands around her mouth.

She then took a very deep breath.

**_"HUB HIKARI, GET UP THIS MINUTE OR I'LL TELL ROLL YOU SKIPPED HER DATE!!!"_**__

            "Wh-wh-what?!" Hub fell out of bed (again) but this time he stared at the monitor instead of the floor, face filled with horror. Mega Lan and Mayl cracked up when they saw his expression, and Mega Lan couldn't even stop laughing to take a jab at his brother.

"I think you ought to do that every day, Mega Lan," said Mayl demurely once she got over her giggles. "It woke him up very quickly, didn't it?"

"I didn't think it was very funny," growled Hub as he grabbed his shirt and hurriedly pulled it on. Mayl sighed.

"You _do_ realize that's a pair of pants, right?"

"Uuuh…yes…" Blushing, Hub pulled his _real_ shirt over his head and yanked on the rest of his ensemble.

"Well, for once you're awake early enough to actually sit down when you eat breakfast," Mega Lan grinned.

Hub's face brightened. "Yeah…but wasn't I going to eat breakfast with Roll?"

"That's why she sent me," Mayl said. "She knew you wouldn't wake up in time. She's already downstairs."

"She's WHAT?!"

"Hu-ub!" called a familiar voice. Hub sweatdropped and peered though his bedroom door. There stood Roll, smiling happily.

"Oh…hi, Roll…"

"Hi…I sent Mayl ahead because I know Mega Lan can never get you up in time…anyway, are you ready to go?"

"Where are we going again?" he asked as he brushed his hair. Roll looked a bit irritated.

"To the Chinatown District. We're going to buy some Space Steamed Meatbuns, remember?"

"Oh, yeah! _That's_ why you woke me up so early." He yawned. "This is even earlier than when I wake up for school…"

"That's because it's a long train ride away. C'mon! Let's hurry!"

"Okay, hang on a moment." Hub ran back into his room and grabbed his PET and wallet. He checked inside to see if he had any zenny, and was relieved to see he did.

"Wouldn't want to leave without these, right?"

"Well, we could do without the Navis," Roll joked. "They only make things more complicated."

"Hey! We're the ones who wake you up in the mornings! You better not make fun of us!"

"Who're the ones who recharge your PETs, huh?"

"Yeah, well, I take more notes than you do in class and you know it, Hub!"

"What?! That's an outright lie! You don't even pay attention when Miss Mari teaches new Netbattling techniques!"

"I do too!"

"Yeah, Hub, he does. He pays so much attention he trips over his own feet."

"You're supposed to be on _my_ side, Mayl!"

"Really? When?"

"Aw, Mayl, give him a break. He might be a bit dumb, but you still like him, don't you?"

"You're right, Roll…"

"I'm not dumb!"

"Don't worry, we're joking…"

"We are?"

"Stop it, Hub!"

"Oh, fine…"

######

Dex and Man Guts watched angrily as their true loves walked onto the train platform, still laughing and talking to their horrible girlfriends. The preteens and Navis had been dating for a full week, and Dex was sick of it.

"We have to get Hub and Mega Lan away from those two girls!" he growled to Man Guts. "If we could, they'd realize how much better we are!"

"Guts!"

"Sooo…you want to make those two boys fall in love with you?"

Dex turned around to see a woman with dark purple eyes and turquoise hair staring at him. He shifted onto one foot and scratched his head, looking oddly similar to an ape.

"Uh…hi, Miyu."

The girl blanched. "I'm not Miyu...I'm Mayo."

Dex blinked.

 "Um…whatever. You said something about making Hub fall in love with me?"

"Yes. Simply give him this potion—" she handed him a blue vial—"and his Navi this program—" she gave him a tiny chip—"And they will become yours."

"Seriously?" Dex said.

"Yes. It will…transform them. They will love you."

Dex smiled.

 ######

Suddenly, Hub shivered. Roll looked at him curiously.

"What's the matter, Hub?"

"Nothing, really," he answered uneasily. "But…it just felt like a major plot point just happened."

Roll gave him another odd look. "Hub, you're not making much sense today."

"Sorry…but look! There's the entrance to Chinatown District!"

"All right! And it looks like we got here early enough to get some Space Meatbuns!"

The two ran into the restaurant, and grinned happily when a waiter came out and seated them in a small booth next to a window.

"This is great!" cheered Mayl. "Finally, you two can eat those Meatbuns!"

"Yeah, feels like we've been waiting forever. And speaking of waiting…where's that waiter?"

Hub looked around. "I don't see him…"

 ######

"Make sure to put this in his water, got it?"

The waiter looked at the overweight boy in front of him. Shrugging, he nodded.

"Oh yeah," the boy added. "Make sure his Navi gets this program, too. You got all that?"

The waiter nodded again, and took the tiny chip.

The boy grinned and slipped him a twenty. "Good luck!" he called softly as the waiter walked away, slipping a blue-tinged liquid into one of the water glasses.

 ######

"Oh, look, there's our waiter!" cheered Roll.

"Finally," Hub groaned. "It sure took him long enough."

"Here are your drinks," said the waiter, placing a water glass in front of each kid. "Oh—I forgot to mention that there is a special deal today. We have a very special program that allows Navis to actually taste the Meatbuns, just like their Operators. We want to test it out. Would your Navis agree?"

Mega Lan and Mayl looked at each other.

"Okay!" said Mega Lan. The waiter handed Hub a small chip, and Hub downloaded it into his PET.

"Oh, I'm sorry," said the waiter when Roll looked at him expectantly. "I forgot to bring one out for your Navi, miss. Let me go get another one. Meanwhile, enjoy your drinks."

The waiter walked off, and Hub sipped his water, feeling like he just missed something important…but he couldn't figure out just what.

 ######

"Did you do it?" asked the boy impatiently. The waiter nodded, and the boy slipped him another twenty.

"Pleasure doing business with you," said the waiter, and walked off.

Dex watched the two preteens in their tiny booth and waited.

 ######

Hub blinked as the Meatbuns were set in front of him. They looked—and smelled—delicious. Roll was already taking a bite out of one, and gave him a strange look when she saw he wasn't digging in.

            "What's the matter, Hub?" she asked after she swallowed her bite. Hub shrugged and picked up a fork.

"I just felt a bit woozy just now…but it's nothing. How's that program going, Mega Lan?"

Mega Lan looked a bit confused. "I don't taste anything, Hub…I just feel a bit funny. Maybe the program's taking a while to work…?"

Mayl sighed. "Well, they did say this was a new program they developed. Maybe it's not working properly."

"Yeah," said Mega Lan, grimacing slightly. "But I'm starting to feel mega-weird."

"Me too," said Hub, swallowing another bite without tasting it. "What's the matter…?"

 ######

"How long will it take to work?!" snapped Dex angrily. Man Guts looked out from his PET, equally mad.

"Guts!"

"Oh…I'd say about ten minutes," said a soft voice behind him. Dex whirled only to see Miyu—that is, Mayo—standing behind him.

"How do you DO that?!" he snapped. Miyu—that is, Mayo—shrugged.

"It's what I do," she said mysteriously, implying she'd done this before. Dex only groaned.

"Mayo, what'll I do after it starts to work? Is it one of those love potions where the first person he sees he'll fall in love with? If that happens, I might as well have never done it!"

"I've tailored the potion and program to specifically make them attracted to you and Man Guts. Don't worry."

The girl smiled oddly before fading in the shadows.

Things were going just as planned…

 ######

"Okay, now I'm starting to feel _really_ weird," said Hub, rubbing his head. "Um…excuse me, Roll…" He got up and ran to the bathroom, where he locked himself in a stall and sat down on the toilet, still clothed. After all, he ran in here because his head hurt. He moaned softly as the throbbing headache got worse, and Mega Lan moaned as well.

"What's happening?!" the Navi cried. "I—I don't feel right…"

"Me too…my head hurts…!"

"I know…it feels like…"

Suddenly, Hub felt something grow between his hands, which were still clutching his head. He also felt something emerging from his tailbone.

He raced to the mirror and stared at his reflection.

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" _**

 ######

"That was Hub!" cried Roll. "I don't care that he's in the boys' bathroom—let's go!"

"Right! I'll go ahead!"

Mayl downloaded herself in Mega Lan's PET just as Roll burst into the bathroom, where Hub huddled in a corner.

"What's the matter?!"

"D-don't look…" Hub covered his head with his hands, and was firmly wedged against the wall. "This isn't happening, this isn't happening," he muttered to himself, repeating it like a mantra. "This isn't happening…"

"_What_ isn't happening, Hub?! Tell me!"

Slowly, Hub lowered his hands.

**_"…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"_**

 ######

"You don't think that was Hub, do you?" asked Dex to his Navi. Man Guts didn't answer.

"Okay, I _know_ it was Hub, but…what happened?! He wouldn't have screamed if he fell in love with me, right?"

In the shadows of the kitchen, Mayo laughed. The cooks around her gave her an odd look, but kept working. After all, a weird girl hiding behind the dishwasher wasn't very important.

 ######

"It's okay, Hub, it's okay," Roll soothed as she led the boy out of the boys' bathroom and out of the restaurant. "In fact, I think they're kinda cute."

"Cute? _Cute_?! I have _cat ears,_ Roll! And a _TAIL!_ I can't see what's so cute about it!"

"Well, it looks nice with your green eyes, you know…"

"Roll, you're not helping!"

Mayl was also comforting Mega Lan inside his PET. "It's okay," she said to him. "I'm sure the program will wear off."

"Wear off? _Wear off?! _How am I supposed to Netbattle with CAT EARS?!"

"Well, like I said, it might wear off," said Mayl dryly. "Besides, there's no one to Netbattle with right now, right?"

"I guess…but still…I look mega-weird! What if someone I know sees me like this?" Mega Lan's face filled with horror. "If Protoman sees me like this, I'll never live it down!"

"Or Chaud," said Hub, blanching. "Or…can you imagine when Mom sees us like this? 'Hey, Mom, while I was out I turned into a half-cat freak! I don't know how it happened either.' 'Oh, okay, honey. Dinner will be ready in just a few minutes.'"

Hub paused. "Actually, that might be how she'll react."

"It probably will. Your mother never notices anything."

Suddenly, Hub's ears twitched. "Did you hear something?"

Roll looked at him oddly. "No…but you probably have better hearing than I do now. What'd you hear?"

"Footsteps…like a woman's…"

Suddenly, Hub whirled around as a black-and-turquoise flash raced past them.

"COME BACK HERE, MIYU!" he yelled, jumping on all fours and following after her.

"IT'S MAYO!" she yelled back, and kept running. Roll tried her best to follow, but the cat-boy and woman were just too fast for her. The best she could do was follow the footprints and hope that at some point they would stop.

 ######

Dex watched, open-mouthed, as Hub streaked past him with cat ears and a tail. He was chasing Miyu—that is, Mayo—and looked particularly pissed off, as well as really, _really_ cute. The ape-like boy started running after him, but his lack of exercise caught up with him, and he was soon left behind.

"MOVE OUTTA THE WAY!!" screamed a new voice.

"Roll!" sputtered Dex just before diving out of the way of the girl. She was racing along on her rollerblades and was soon catching up to Hub. "Hey, Roll!"

"Can't talk—gotta keep up with him!"

Oh, nuts.

"Me too!" Dex grabbed his scooter from out of the air and started scooting to the metal.

 "Hub! Hey, Hub!" Dex yelled as loudly as he could. "Slow down, will ya?!"

"Why don't you speed up?!" snapped Roll as she sped though a turn. "Wait, look! There he is!"

When Dex caught up with Roll, he saw Hub fighting furiously with the turquoise-haired girl he met earlier.

"Mi—I mean, Mayo! What's going on?!"

Mayo only laughed, dodging Hub's claws, which had grown in while he chased Mayo down the street.

"It's simple, little Dex. I turned him into a cat!"

She dodged another attack, and Hub growled ferociously.  

"He'll be completely transformed in only a few minutes. Then…"

An insane smile appeared on her face.

"Grave will return!"

"Wh-what?! No!"

Hub's face filled with horror as his nose turned into a cat's and whiskers grew in. "Nyu!" he cried. "I—I mean _no!_ I don't want to be a cat-nyu!"

"You did it again-nyu!" cried Mega Lan from his PET. "Oh, _no_!"

"Oh, yes," Mayo chortled. "Thanks for your help, Dex…after all, without you, how would Grave ever return?"

"What…Dex?" gasped Roll, turning to the stricken boy. "What did you _do_?!"

"I…she…I mean…"

_"MAYO!"_

Mayo blanched and looked behind Dex to see an extremely angry woman. The woman in question looked just like Mayo, only her eyes were more grey than purple.

"Miyu? What are you doing here?!"

"I should ask the same of you!" Miyu looked at Hub, who now was growing smaller and smaller, his clothes starting to fall off his shrinking frame. "What in heaven's name did you do?! Turn them into cats?!"

"Yes! And you can't reverse the spell!" Mayo laughed maniacally. "Soon I'll have a cute pet cat and a cute pet Navi!"

"For…the…last…time-nyu…I'm…not…a…cat-nyu!" growled Hub, stumbling over the words as his tongue grew more and more catlike.

"NYU!!" yelled Mega Lan from his PET. "We'll…beat…you-nyu!"

"You bet you will," growled Miyu. She reached into her dress and pulled out a small green vial. Mayo's eyes widened.

"How did—how did you get that?!"

"Because I heard you were in town and know you like cats, Mayo," Miyu growled.

She then threw the vial to Roll. "Quickly! Make him drink it!"

Roll rushed to the fighting cat-boy and unstopped the vial, shoving it in his face, which now looked almost exactly like a cat's.

"Drink it, Hub! NOW!"

"No! You won't reverse the spell! I won't let you!" Mayo screamed, racing over to Hub and Roll.

"Wanna bet?!" Dex snarled, and jumped on the purple-eyed girl, throwing her to the floor. "Go, Roll!"

Roll shoved the vial in Hub's mouth, where he did his best to gulp it down.

 "NO!!" Mayo screamed as Hub drank the potion, and shoved Dex off her in one quick movement.

"You might have gotten the boy, but I've still got his Navi!"

She scrambled up and snatched Mega Lan's PET, which had been left on the ground as Hub had transformed and fallen out of his clothes. Even as the once-boy cat began to transform into his original form she raced down the street and into an alleyway, jumping into a red Honda and driving away.

"Oh no you _don't_!" cried Miyu, and ran to her own car, which was blue and a Toyota. "C'mon, kids! Get in!"

Roll carefully gathered Hub's clothes to put on him as he grew more human-like. Then the two children and slowly-transforming cat-boy jumped into the car.

Mayo and Miyu raced down the city streets, nearly mowing down two pedestrians, one fire hydrant, three fruit stands, and one explosive-filled truck in the process. However, no matter how many jumps Miyu and her Toyota did over curbs and cars and pedestrians and cops and bank robbers and little doggies she just couldn't catch up to Mayo.

"Darnit!" she cursed. "I don't know how we can catch her and rescue Mega Lan! It looks like she's going to get away! We need an insane and nearly impossible plan to put into action which by some miracle will work because the laws of anime physics say so!"

"…What?" asked the two humans and confused cat-boy.

"Wait! I know what she means!" cried Mayl. "And I've got our insane and nearly impossible plan to put into action!"

"Well, if it's really impossible, then it'll work! What is it, Mayl?"

 ######

"Let me go-nyu!" cried Mega Lan from his PET. Though he now looked like a blue-armored housecat, he still retained his ability to speak.

"Oh, shut up, you annoying blue pest," growled Mayo. "Can't you see I'm busy right now?!"

 "Nyuuuu! Nyuuu! Meeoooww!" cried Mega Lan, his tongue finally giving in to its proper cat-like form. His slitted eyes widened in horror as he listened to himself, and he covered up his snout with his paw.

"N—nyuu? NYOOOOOOOOOWWW!!!"

"_SHUT UP, YOU LITTLE HOUSE-NAVI!!"_

**_"NYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!"_** he howled, and filled up his lungs for a second go.

"Obviously Mega Lan is really annoying," interrupted a new voice. "I'll take him off your hands!"

"Me-nyu?" said Mega Lan, eyes wide.

"Yeah, it's me, Mayl," said the pink Navi in reply, knowing that 'Me-nyu' was probably the closest Mega Lan would ever get to pronouncing her name right. "So, do you still want him? After all, he's a pain in the butt."

Mega Lan gave her a hurt look. "Meeow…"

"Get out of here, you little pink slu—twerp or I'll make Mega Lan delete you!"

Mega Lan growled at Mayo ferociously. "Nyu!"

"I doubt he ever would. After all, he's just a harmless little kitty, and kitties don't harm anyone, they just sit there and look pretty, and they can't talk besides, and really all you have to do is feed them and pet them and groom them and you always have to give them baths if they're longhairs but that's okay because they're just so cute when they're longhairs but it looks like Mega Lan's a shorthair so he needs to be brushed every day and—"

"SHUT UP!!" screamed Mayo, slamming the brakes and nearly throwing herself out the window. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on one's point of view) her seatbelt pulled her back, saving her from crashing into lots and lots of dangerous glass.

"—you'll need to make sure you love him and take care of him and give him mice to play with and make sure he don't play with Mini Bombs and always always always—"

"THAT'S IT!" Mayo screamed. "EVEN IF YOU'LL BE A NOISY CAT, YOU'LL STILL BE BETTER THAN THIS!!" she yanked out a second small chip, and shoved it into Mega Lan's PET. "I was saving this for Protoman, but I can make another one! Turn into a cat, you little twit!"

But quite suddenly, Mayl wasn't in the PET anymore. With nowhere else to go, the program downloaded itself into Mega Lan, who began to howl pitifully.

"MEOOOOOOWWWWWW—"

"DARNIT, SHUT UP!!!"

"—OOWWW!! That hurt-nyu….nyu?" Mega Lan paused. "Did I just speak-nyu? I did-nyu!!"

Mayo's eyes widened. "How—"

"Easy," said Mayl, suddenly reappearing on the screen. "I made an insane and nearly impossible plan by sneaking into Mega Lan's PET and annoying you until you decided to turn me into a cat! Then I left, so the program downloaded itself into Mega Lan and the two programs canceled each other out!!"

"No! I got defeated by an insane and nearly impossible plan?! But it should never have worked! It was an insane and nearly impossible plan!"

"Which is why it worked!" yelled Mayl triumphantly. "C'mon, Mega Lan!"

"Where?" Mega Lan asked, worried. He now was more 'human' than cat, though he still retained his cat nose, whiskers, tail, and ears. He could practically hear the fangirls awwing.

"To my PET! C'mon!"

And quite suddenly, the two Navis vanished. Mayo was still screaming at the unfairness of it all when the Net Agents came and took her away.

 ######

"I'm sure glad that's over," said Mega Lan. He now was completely human-like, as was his Operator. "I didn't like being a cat."

"Aww, I thought you were kinda cute," giggled Mayl. Mega Lan glared at her.

"_You_ try being a cat and we'll see how cute you'll feel!"

"Hey, where did Dex go?" asked Roll suddenly. Ever since they'd regained Mega Lan the boy and his Navi had disappeared.

Hub looked around. "I don't see him anywhere…where do you think he went?"

"Um…Hub?" asked a boy's voice behind them. It was Dex, looking upset and shamefaced. He was holding something behind his back.

"I'm…really sorry for doing that to you. I didn't know she really wanted to turn you guys into cats. If I did, I'd never have let her done it."

"I know," said Hub, smiling.

"What were you trying to _do_, anyway?" asked Roll suspiciously.

"Uh, um, nothing, look at the time, gotta go!"

And with that the boy raced off in a flash of large neon green, leaving a bunch of flowers on the ground. Hub picked them up and sweatdropped.

"Um…so…what now?"

"Why don't we just go home and relax?" said Roll, sweatdropping as well. "I'd like to do that for once…we didn't even get to properly enjoy our Space Steamed Meatbuns…"

"Yeah, we'll have to do that another time. Let's go to my house, okay?"

"Sure!"

 ######

The next morning, bright and early, Hub got up and began to get ready. Grinning, happy for once he'd be ready before Roll, he looked over at the mirror to do one last check—

**_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!! MIYYYYYYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!"_**

 ######

"Oh, the cat came back, the very next day, oh the cat came back…" sang Miyu in her shop quietly.

"MIYUUU!! YOU NEED TO FIX THIS!!!" screamed a boy's voice.

Hub raced up to Miyu's little shop, a trail of giggling fangirls after him. "They're after meeee!!" he cried, and raced into the sanctuary of the store.

Miyu paused before she got up to get the transformation potion.

"You know, you really _do_ look cute with cat ears…"

"Just give me the darn potion, will ya?!"

######

_Wow, that was fun. No, seriously, it was! …wait…if I had fun and say I seriously had fun, is it still…or would it be…_

_Aw, dammit._

_ On a very random sidenote: if you are willing to notice, all of the food items ordered are from the anime. (You'd have to be pretty quick to catch the one in Mega Lan 1, but it's there.) _

_Yes, I _am _an obsessive otaku, and considering 'otaku' already means obsessive, that means I've gotta be pretty obsessed. Annnyway…_

_This is filled with silliness, but I just hope it lives up to Mega Lan 1, which was pretty damn random. Please tell me if I melted your brain or made you laugh and if (good god) there should be a Mega Lan 3. (Though that one will take me a WHILE to think up. I mean…Each story is getting harder to top than the last. Then again, if someone does something _really_ stupid…Like nearly run over Gwyneth Paltrow with a golf cart like Mr. Staniec did…hmmm… )_

_Anyway, the song is from my sister, who's got it memorized and sang it to me. The whole song was about poor Mr. Jones (I think that was the name, anyway) and this devil cat that just _would not die_. They tried to drown it, run it over with a train, freeze it… _

_Sick/strange as it is, it's a DAMN funny song and fun to sing. If you know it, feel happy, and even better send me the actual lyrics. Sister dear never bothered to teach me the entirety of them, or actually any of them, so I pretty much know only about how there was a drowning and a train involved…_

_but the cat came back, the very next day!_

_REVIEW!! OR I'LL SIC THE DEVIL __CAT__ON__ YOU!! OR EVEN WORSE, I'LL WRITE A _**THIRD **_MEGA LAN STORY!!! ("NOOOOOOOOOO!!! NO! NO! NOOOOOOO!! OKAY, OKAY, I'LL REVIEW! JUST PLEASE, PLEASE, NOT ANOTHER BRAIN MELTER!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!")_

_Then again, if you for some strange reason actually WANT a third Mega Lan story, review and tell me. I'm sure I can think up something. I always do._


End file.
